note: this post is addressed to Christian girls. I understand that we have different beliefs here so you may, or may not agree with me. You can read this and take the message at heart, or you can just ignore it if it doesn't suit your taste and way of thinking. :) this was originally written last Feb of 2007 in a personal blog, back when I was younger and had been part of a culture where this message is immensely appropriate. But I guess my idea about waiting still hasn't changed since then. And I thought it's worth sharing still.
Singleness-awareness day. I found the term rather amusing when I heard it from a close friend of mine. Apparently that is how Valentine's day is to him. Church-growns, TLWaiters, NoBoyfriendSinceBirth-s and NoGirlfriendSinceBirth-s, (NBSBreakup and NGSBreakup too) are all hooked up in the trend. TLW. True Love Waits. Suddenly you don't have to have a partner to enjoy Valentine's day. You don't have to mourn, and feel all alone and blue if you don't have a date. There's an unofficial clique where you can join. And they are proud and overwhelming in numbers. Sometimes they are able to make those who are committed want to become single. They are those who wait.
image from here
Waiting, or staying single for the sake of waiting for the "right one" has been the "in" thing lately. Singleness makes you cool, tough, immuned to the snares of "love". Those who wait are convinced that they are really better off than those celebrating Valentines. All the mushy stuff lasts only during that day anyway. Once they hear somebody talk about how Valentine's didn't go the way he/she wanted it to be, they're quick to give off that "i-told-you-so" sigh and are satisfied that they have triumphed in their point.
Wait-ers have different reasons for the wait. Some feels that they are not ready to be committed yet. Some have been heart-broken and wants to rest for a while. Some simply had parents who have successfully brainwashed them about waiting. Some just happened to be single when the trend started and stuck into it. And the line goes on, all professing that they are waiting. I wonder. Do they know exactly WHAT they are waiting for and WHY they are waiting? Or have they missed the point?
Somebody I know keeps on bragging about how these bunch of people she knows are able to wait. But seeing the girls that she is talking about, it seems like waiting is hardly in their hearts. Yes, they are single (by status), but in their own ways, they are giving in to the impatience. The other one seems to be in the single mode simply because the man that she loves isn't interested with her. And the other one is only able to keep the single status by juggling two different boys(and who knows how many more), which provides her with an excuse not to be official with any of the two. Yet when Valentine's day comes, they wear their proud, "we are single, cool, rebels of this culture" face. They are proud they are single. But are they really waiting? Or have they missed the point?
I have nothing against waiting. In fact, I am fully convinced that it is a valiant thing to do. It's a very serious thing to do. And it takes a lot of commitment to accomplish it and be consistent with it. I do not have a problem with that. It is not seldom though that people use waiting to mask a lot of unpleasant things: a broken heart, an unsatisfied impatience, a bitterness. It is alright to have those of course. It's not your fault. You're human after all. We live in an imperfect world and everyone's entitled the freedom not to be ok sometimes. It is also alright that your reason for waiting is encouraged by those things. But it is important not to miss the point.
So what is the point? Here it is:
You are not merely waiting for the "right one".
You are waiting on "God's will".
1) does not revolve on your future partner alone.
2) is most probably something that you are not asking for.
3) means you don't focus on what you want but what God wants
4) simply means it's not about you but about God.
God is the core, the center, the whole point for the waiting.
Without Him, your waiting is futile,
and whatever noble cause you have crumbles.
So this Valentines day (aka Singleness-Awareness Day), keep those things in mind. Wear the shirt. Flaunt the ring. Go to a TLW seminar and make more APs. The hype can be as enjoyable (or more enjoyable) than a typical Valentine's date.
Just don't miss the point.